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Long to Seacrest: Stay away from Bradshaw

GLENDALE, AZ — The disgustingly playful connection between Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw was immediately apparent from the moment the two Hall-of-Famers took the same stage in 1993, when Fox unveiled its now infamous Sunday pre-game show. After driving record-high ratings for over a decade and a half, the flame that has burned so hot between two of the NFL’s most recognized stars may be extinguished just as quickly as it was ignited

One of the steamiest stories coming out of media day at University of Phoenix Stadium on Tuesday involved not only Long and Bradshaw, but also Fox’s Super Bowl XLII extended pre-game show host, Ryan Seacrest. Long claims the boyish, bubbly and sarcastic pop culture figure has been way too “cozy” with Bradshaw recently, and needs to watch his back before something “very ugly” happens.

“That kid would be well-advised to grow a pair of eyes in the back of his head, before I stick my size 14 up his ass… My shoe, I mean,” Long angrily told SSNN. “At first I just thought Bradshaw was cheating on me with some Glendale high school senior who volunteered to help out with all the Super Bowl week festivities. But no – it turns out this guy is actually employed at Fox!”

Long admitted to SSNN that rumors alleging his long-time broadcast partner may have found a new love interest have directly affected his preparation for this Sunday’s big game.

“I haven’t been able to concentrate since we arrived in Arizona,” Long said, his face buried in his hands. “Terry and I have always had such a good feel for one another, you know what I’m saying? Now, during rehearsals, I can’t even stand to look at him. I just keep picturing him and Seacrest eating ice cream together, or sharing a ferris wheel ride. I guess it’s just me and Jimmy Johnson now.”

When asked to comment on the volatile situation, Fox Sports Senior VP David Hill seemed disappointed over the sudden frailty of his once rock-solid pre-game show squad.

“It’s unfortunate that, after 15-plus years, Howie still hasn’t warmed up to idea of sharing Terry. I mean, Terry’s a fun, lovable dude. Who wouldn’t want some Bradshaw? But, on the flip side, we will have to take a good, hard look at the criteria with which we determine our Super Bowl hosts from this point forward. I think it’s safe to say we will now stay away from young, good looking, male-friendly talent – such as Seacrest – and seek out more traditional hetero types, who are more likely to hit on Pam Oliver, or another of our young lady reporters. Not that we encourage that, in the workplace.”

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Labels: Fox, homosexuality, Howie Long, Jimmy Johnson, NFL, Pam Oliver, Ryan Seacrest, Super Bowl, Super Bowl XLII, Terry Bradshaw

Posted on January 31st, 2008

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