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Britney Spears Seeks Custody of Jamie Lynn’s Fetus

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LOS ANGELES, CA - Citing “years of experience as a mother” and a “mastery of dealing with the spotlight,” Britney Spears announced today that she is formally petitioning to take custody of her kid sister Jamie Lynn Spears‘ unborn child.

“Jamie Lynn is way too young and irresponsible to have a kid,” Britney told media Friday. “That’s why I think I’m the best suited to take care of the new baby. Not only do I have lots of money and a lot of experience, but I’ve also got a lot of time on my hands, because my own kids aren’t with me that often. So, it’s like, the perfect situation. I’ve got a house full of toys but no kids, and Jamie doesn’t even have her own house in Malibu!”

Lynn Spears, Jamie and Britney’s father, reluctantly agreed with the diagnosis.

“I think that Britney is better equipped to be a parent than Jamie Lynn,” he said. “Mind you, Britney is not at all equipped to be a parent–I mean, for Christ’s sake, if there was ever a reason that
people should have to get a license to have kids, the reason is these two girls. But nevertheless, Britney is better equipped than Jamie. It’s sort of like saying it’s better to have a cavity filled than have a root canal; or that it’s better to be punched in the throat than kicked in the balls. You’re not going to find people lining up for either option. But, yes, Britney’s better.”

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Labels: Babies, Britney Spears, Custody, Fetus, Jamie Lynn Spears, Jamie Spears, Jayden Federline, K-Fed, Kevin Federline, Malibu, Petco, Pregnancy, Sean Preston Federline