News Item

Denise Richards Wants Your Money, Sperm

Men of the world, this is a warning: Denise Richards wants your money, and she’ll take your sperm, too, if she can have it.

I am anonymous albeit concerned individual–lets just leave it at that–and I can tell you from personal experience that Denise Richards is after your most prized possessions.

Here’s how she does it, fellas: first she will turn on that throaty charm, that back of the nightclub seductiveness, and next thing you know you are married, and next thing after that, she’s begging you for
some ‘Sheen Cream,’ and next thing you know, your show might as well be called “One and a quarter men” because she’s taking half.

Don’t get me wrong, guys. When she is trapping you and setting you up for her vice grip that will suck out your soul and destroy the value of your existence, well, you’ll think that you are having fun. And it’s true, the Sheen Cream collection process is, on the surface, quite enjoyable.

BE NOT FOOLED! THIS IS A TRAP! The moment you give in, she will turn her psychotic death vortex on, and nary a day in the future will rain on your face.

In summation, Denise Richards, while hot, is a whore. Gentlemen, you are warned.