News Item

Parliament Legalizes Drugs for People Named Amy Winehouse

LONDON, ENGLAND - After Amy Winehouse’s numerous legal woes, Parliament decided to make drugs legal in the UK for people named Amy Winehouse. “We passed the vote unanimously,” said Minister Gerald Duff. “Obviously we hope it will benefit one person in particular.”

The celebrated singer by that name was arrested on May 7th for a video leaked to the press in which she allegedly smokes crack. After she was released on bail, Parliament apparently held an emergency meeting regarding the tape.

“She is such an endearing little crackhead, and we don’t have many of those in England, you know,” continued Mr. Duff. “With Ms. Winehouse roaming free, Parliament feels that we can become a formidable opponent against the United States in the battle for Most Humorously Drug-Addicted Celebrities.”

“Truthfully, had we convicted her of crack cocaine use we would have just sent her to a posh rehabilitation facility,” added Minister Elizabeth Towne. “But she sings that cute song, you know - ‘they tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no’ - she is so talented and she has that fancy beehive hair. We’re hoping she and Pete Doherty will go on tour together in America.”

Winehouse was not available for comment, but her manager told SCNN, “this is great news, and Ms. Winehouse will surely thank the Commonwealth profusely when she’s finished having her stomach pumped. Of course, it really won’t change anything for her since she always does her drugs in public or while being filmed anyway.”