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Public Plea to Fergie: Keep Your London Bridge Up

NEW YORK, NY - Yesterday morning Fergie performed on the Today Show, following which she was asked by the audience to please keep her London Bridge up.

“She was humping the stage and at one point simulated fellatio on her guitarist,” said a Today Show correspondent. “Everytime I turned around, there was some new grotesque sexual display going on. She really needs to figure out when it’s acceptable to bring that London Bridge down, and when it’s not.”

Fergie’s appearance was to promote the re-release of her new album, “Too Lazy to Write New Material.” She sang the classic Heart song “Barracuda” and, most impressively, completed several one-handed cartwheels while wearing tight leather pants and high-heeled boots. Unfortunately for her, yesterday’s Today Show crowd consisted mostly of a seventh-grade field trip from Manhattan all-boy school St. Lucifer’s. Several moms were present as chaperones and expressed displeasure with the singer.

“I’m not saying she’s unattractive,” said Julie Maynes, a stay-at-home mom. “Actually, I am saying that. If it had been Vanessa Hudgens up there shaking her fanny, I wouldn’t be upset. Vanessa’s more age-appropriate for these boys.” Maynes’s son Adam concurred: “watching Fergie, I had a weird feeling in my crotch, like the opposite of a boner. My friend Davey said it’s called shrinkage, and I hope it never happens to me again.”

Fergie’s London Bridge, which is mostly silicone and Restylane, has been down for a few years now and looks like it may need some maintenance. “Please Fergie, if you read this,” Jenny Strick, and actual fan, “put your bridge up and get it fixed. Nobody likes a bridge with structural damage.”

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Labels: Barracuda, Boner, Breast Implants, Erection, Fergie, Heart, London Bridge, Manhattan, Restylane, Shrinkage, Silicone, The Black Eyed Peas, The Duchess, The Today Show, Vanessa Hudgens

Posted on May 21st, 2008

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Comments

The way I see it, she is 33 years old. She doesn’t have to act like she belongs to disney because kids like her. If the parents let their kids listen to her music which has cussing in it as well as drug related info, then they should realize she isn’t going act like a 12 year old on stage.

Comment by giovypeas on May 23, 2008
This is seriously the worst critique of a performance anyway. Where in her performance did she stimulate doing fellatio on her guitarist? Seriously. And that audience member who stated about Vanessa Hudgens…I guess the fact that her nude photos only appeared last year doesn’t matter. She’s age-appropriate for the children. Here’s an idea…keep your children in school. The woman is 33 years old. She doesn’t need to censor herself for a bunch of stuck up a**holes.

Comment by ALI621 on May 23, 2008

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What is a London Bridge, exactly?
	A heavy person’s pants zipper
	An extra-support bra
	Giant, plumped lips
	I don’t know but Fergie should just keep it up

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Public Plea to Fergie: Keep Your London Bridge Up

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