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R. Kelly Disappointed By Jury

CHICAGO, IL — A sullen R. Kelly was allegedly “extremely
disappointed” with the selection of jurors for his trial due to the fact that “all the
ladies were too old, like over 18 and shit.”

The embattled R&B star did not apparently know that Illinois law calls for all
jurors to be at least 18 years old.

“I knew there’d be around six dudes and six ladies,” Kelly said of his half-male and half-female jury. “So I’m thinking there’s gonna be some fresh young’uns for me to check out. Instead I get these tired hos. One of them looks my age!”

Kelly, who is on trial for allegedly having sex with a teenager and
videotaping it, has been waiting for his court date for six years.

“They were saying, ‘You’re going to go to court, you’re going to get a
jury of your peers,’” he said. “So I thought, cool, the jury will be six
R&B stars, and six high school girls! Man, was I ever wrong.”

Ever the optimist, Kelly has decided to turn his frustration at the botched jury selection into creative energy. He plans to call his next album Trapped in the Courtroom, which will chronicle the pain of spending hours every day “without any fly honeys.”

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Labels: Chicago, Honeys, Hos, Illinois, Jury, Jury Selection, Molestation, R&B, R. Kelly, Teenagers, Trapped in the Closet

Posted on May 11th, 2008

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