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Christina Aguilera’s Breasts Explode

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – Dozens of Los Angeles residents were injured while standing outside a Pinkberry frozen yogurt store Tuesday, when pop starlet Christina Aguilera’s ginormous tatas exploded.

“It was really pretty amazing,” said Marco Gutierrez. “I was lucky, I didn’t get hurt. But it’s nuts, it’s like, one minute, we’re just staring at her awesome bozangas, and the next minute, they’ve exploded and everyone is running for their life.”

Aguilera, who recently gave birth, is expected to survive the explosion, though she will face some surgery and a lengthy recovery process. What was really interesting was the matter that spewed from Aguilera’s chest during the incident.

“When Christina’s breasts exploded, a lot of crazy stuff came out of them,” Gutierrez said. “Silicone, for sure, but you expect that around here. A lot of breast milk. But then there was some other stuff, too. There was a whole bunch of gift cards for Nordstrom’s Spa. There were like 200 individually wrapped Kit-Kat bars. I am pretty sure I saw an endangered giant panda cub, but I’m not sure about that. It very well could have been a black bear.”

Aguilera does not expect the lack of her breasts to affect her career.

“Nobody cares about my hoots,” she said. “They care about my voice and my heart. So I think I will be fine. But, just in case, I’m going to get them redone so they are more perfect than ever.”

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Labels: Boobs, Breast Implants, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Disney, Hollywood, Jordan Bratman, Justin Timberlake, Los Angeles, Pinkberry, Tatas

Posted on June 6th, 2008

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