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Matthew McConaughey Wears Shirt; Apocalypse is Nigh

BIRMINGHAM, AL - Tarot card reader Mister Turban believes that the world will soon come to an end. “I read it in the cards,” he told SCNN, “When Matthew McConaughey puts on a shirt again, Doomsday will soon be upon us. I been checkin’ US Weekly and I seen it, I seen his chest covered. The four horsemen of the apocalypse are coming! Only the pure will be saved!”

Mister Turban explained that he has over thirty years’ experience predicting the future, speaking to the dead, and reading fortunes. “Three years ago a cat came to me in a dream,” he said. “He told me that Matthew is the seventh ring of Hell and if he puts a shirt on it will be a just a couple of days until the next Ice Age.”

A background check revealed that although Mister Turban, a.k.a Lawrence Frye, has numerous arrests for crack cocaine possession, there is no evidence to suggest that he is not clairvoyant.

“This is pretty ludicrous,” said McConaughey’s rep. “Matthew wore shirts all the time when he wasn’t famous. The world still exists. What’s the big deal if he likes being shirtless all the time? Now, I’ve heard that the day Madonna stops talking in a British accent will be the real Doomsday, so there must be truth to that.”

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Labels: A Time To Kill, Ben Affleck, Camila Alves, Dazed and Confused, Fool's Gold, Kate Hudson, Malibu, Matthew McConaughey, Sandra Bullock

Posted on June 5th, 2008

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