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R&B Singer Seeks Bitches, Hos

Dear SCNN readers,

I am an infamous R&B singer who will soon be celebrating my acquittal or throwing a going to jail party. Regardless of which it is, I am looking for some first-class bitches and hoes to populate one of the aforementioned parties.

First, here’s a little about me. I’ve been an R&B icon since the early ’90s, written and performed #1 hits, had chart-topping albums and even wrote a mini-opera.

Now what I’m looking for is very specific. Old bitches need not apply – I like them young (but not too young; I’m talking about roughly 14 years old here). Also, the ability to keep your mouth shut is very important. Let’s just say people talking too much has got me in trouble before.

You also have to be willing to get dirty. I’m not saying I’m going to defecate on you for sure, but I’d like it to be an option, you know what I mean? When I say I want nasty hoes, I want nasty hoes. This is non-negotiable.

Finally, absolutely no cameras of any kind will be allowed at this party. Again, this is something I have had a problem with in the past and something that is non-negotiable. If you are interested and feel you meet my criteria, please send a short bio and/or picture to:

Cook County Criminal Court
2600 Richard J Daley Center
Chicago, Il 60602

Thank you for your time bitches. Sincerely,

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Labels: Cook County, Court, Jail, Pedophile, R&B, R. Kelly, Sex Tape, Urination

Posted on June 4th, 2008

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